Skyrim and Hetalia Madness
by Rukia Blood-Moon
Summary: B-day present for my sister. Prussia plays a prank on Hungary and get's beat into unconsciousness. He awakens to find a strange girl that will scar his mind forever. Crack fanfic warnings inside


**Hey everyone! I'm not dead! School's been a bitch lately and I've been a lazy asshole so I couldn't really work on my other stories. However, this was a birthday present for my sister and since we both have fucked up senses of humor I created this. Enjoy or die!**

**WARNINGS: may cause insanity, cursing, Farkas manliness pride bashing, Lydia bashing, and so on**

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"Prussia! Where are you? Show yourself, damn it!" Hungary screamed running through the German fields that surrounded Berlin. Syrup mixed with white chicken feather's completely covered the Hungarian's wavy brown hair and cultural dress, courtesy of the one and only albino: Prussia.

Hungary tightened her grip on her frying pan's handle, determination surging through her. She'll tear that bird-loving pervert to pieces. Then she'll feed him to Aster. Yes, definitely Aster…. Hungary marched across the field, syrup occasionally dripping off her dress and splattering on some Forget-me-not's. Hungary's gonna frickin' murder Prussia. Yes, slowly and painfully… the way only a powerful blow of a cooking utensil can accomplish.

From behind a lone tree that for some reason didn't strike Hungary as a possible hiding place for Prussia, the albino was snickering and taking pictures of the syrup-covered woman. He couldn't wait to see the look on Spain and France's faces when he showed them these… maybe Italy too, and West. Maybe he can finally get the big and juicy stick out of his ass and get his brother to laugh for once-

Hungary manifested out of NOWHERE and screamed triumphantly, raising her frying pan, only giving Prussia enough time to shove aside and save two precious things he cared for most in the world: Gilbird and his precious laptop. Don't ask me why he dragged his laptop out in the middle of nowhere with him, I'm no Prussia expert. Maybe he was going to try and blog out here or somthin'.

Hungary swung her frying pan down, the utensil colliding with Prussia's skull. Prussia saw a million tiny Gilbird's swarming around his vision, each with a crack-filled smile right before the darkness overtook him.

And then he was gone.

THE END

Derp, just kidding! Actually, Prussia cracked open his sanguine colored eyes to find himself in a strange town, with an extremely hot chick standing over him, decked out in the gray/black armor that had a nightingale pattern encrusted in the design.

_Well look at this girl~ She looks like a hot piece of ass. Imma impress her with my awesomeness. _But right as he was about to begin flirting with her, the strange woman cut him off with a rant, "Hello obscene stranger who inconspicuously fell from the sky, I'm an imperial from Cyrodiil, five-foot six, one-hundred and twenty pounds, named Kiliani. And don't make any comments about my name, my mother was an Asian chick, whatever Asian is because I don't know about Asia because this is Skyrim, the rim of the sky which is in Tamriel which is in Nirn, or should I say on Nirn which totally isn't Asia which I know nothing about." Her eyes flicked back and forth around the area and then she said, "I'm also not a werewolf, Dark Brotherhood listener/assassin or Nightingale of Nocturnal or Harbinger of the companions. I also secretly don't like the color pink or have a fetish for lederhosen."

Prussia opened his mouth and let out a slow, "Umm…" The woman/Imperial thing pulled a random fish out of her pocket and slapped Prussia in the face with it. "WRONG ANSWER!" Then she helped him off his but and gripped his wrist firmly in her iron-like hands and said, "Come now honey, you can stay at my house for the night and sleep in Lydia's room because she's a bitch and doesn't sleep. EVER. Farkas doesn't sleep now either, I guess that's because they live with me- I HATE BLACKREACH!" Prussia's desperate struggles to get away from this crazed woman were in vain as she dragged him towards her house and affectionately stroked the door and called it Breezehome.

Upon entering the house, Prussia saw a man COOKING for his WIFE. The man who Prussia assumed was Farkas said, "Welcome home love- YOU CHEATED ON ME!" Farkas instantly accused, pointing the ladle threateningly at Prussia. Farkas was wearing a pink frilly apron with red hearts over his armor though, so he wasn't very threatening.

Kiliani snorted. "Bitch please, I only cheated on you sixty-nine times, I'm house broken now." Farkas grumbled under his breath, something about domestic abuse and Aela who Prussia assumed was the person Kiliani cheated on Farkas with.

"Anyway Prussia dear, you can get some of Farkas's p.j.'s from my room, Lydia's room is the tiny room with all the blood splattered on the floor. Get some rest! Now I'm going to go off on a killing spree~" Then Kiliani skipped outside with screams of pain and anguish soon following, leaving Prussia alone in the living room with a foaming werewolf and a bewildered Prussian. How did Kiliani know his name if he didn't even introduce himself?

…INCEPTION.

Not wanting to deal with a burly apron wearing were-puppy at the moment, Prussia ran up the stairs and into the master bedroom. Was this world hell? Did god find out that he stole Spain's beer when they were out drinking one night? The world may never know. Oh, hey look. Manly frilly pink pajamas.

Prussia stripped off his shirt and pants and slid on the frilly clothing which was two sizes too big for him and he turned to leave the room, when he heard a robotic sounding voice say, "I am your sword and your shield." Prussia jumped and whirled around to see the speaker and finally noticed the girl sitting down at the table that for some reason was upstairs. The girl's eyes were staring straight forward as if she didn't even notice Prussia. "I'm sorry what?" The albino asked, feeling unnerved by her presence.

The woman slowly turned her head towards Prussia and cocked her head to the side as is someone was whispering in her ear. Then she said, "I have failed to deliver my repeated lines to my true Thane. Self-destruct mode commencing in five… four…three…" Prussia's eyes widened and just as he bolted past the doors of the bedroom, Breezehome burst into flames, exploding and sending Prussia up into the sky as if a Giant swung a mallet at him and Prussia got stuck in the air… It's happened before to Kiliani. Ask her.

Prussia began to fall back towards the earth, or Nirn as Kiliani had called it and he let out a horrible scream. "." Then Prussia hit the ground and everything went black and then white then everything was back to normal and Prussia was once again on the ground with Kiliani standing over him.

Kiliani clucked her tongue and said. "Oh well ain't that a waste of new blood. Oh well, at least I'm a Namira worshipper, I won't let his body go to waste." Prussia instantly assumed she was going to a) rape him or b) eat him, so he shot up and screamed, "I'M ALIVE! KILIANI OR LISTENER OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO BE CALLED, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE- mmf!" Kiliani clapped a hand over Prussia's mouth and cried out in panic, "No! Don't address me as listener! If you do then Cic-" A man decked out in a jester's outfit popped out on nowhere and began to dance around screaming, "ALL HAIL THE LISTENER, SWEET, SWEET NIGHT MOTHER'S CHOSEN ONE, SLAYER OF THE EMPEROR!" Kiliani began banging her head against the remains of her flaming house while bystander's watched wide-eyed at burning Breezehome or the raving jester.

Everything that happened that day caught up with Prussia and his body trembled with fatigue. Prussia groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Gott, this world sucks. I want to be back with Hungary even if she does beat the hell out of me." Britannia Angel England popped out of nowhere and shrilly exclaimed, "That's more like it!" And slammed his wand on Prussia's forehead, making him fall unconscious again.

~O~O~

"…ussia? Prussia are you waking up?" A concerned feminine voice asked and Prussia cracked open his eyelids. Hungary was leaning over him, her hair now clean and free of syrup and bird feathers. Prussia blearily looked around and realized: he was back home.

Prussia abruptly leaped into Hungary's arms and cried out, "Hungary! Holy shit I just had the weirdest dream ever! There was this chick that wasn't as hot as you and this burly dude wearing an apron kind of like West and this self-destructive woman and a Jester! Oh man, am I glad to be back here! Let's make out and do kinky stuff to celebrate!"

Hungary raised her eyebrows and shrugged, "Merher, okay." Then they kissed, held together by a warm embrace, wishing that this peaceful moment would never end-

Lydia fell from the sky and hit the ground, then stood up as if nothing happened and began to walk away in the sunset.

…Well at least the ending isn't that cheesy now.

THE END

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**Derp, I wrote crack. Aren't yall proud of meh?**


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